But all of a sudden, I don't feel excited about it anymore. Actually, I've never been too excited, just that I don't want to go anymore. Not because of reasons anybody would think of, its just..the thought of being a spare. I don't know, its hard for me to think properly now, I hope I will. Or just come out with a better solution. Sometimes, I try so hard to get the word "i" out of my sentences because they seem so out of place, just like "I". Can't ask for more though, there's very nice people all around me to spend my days with, to make me feel part of them, to become my good and closer friends, to become friends i've come to love. Just that, sometimes I feel like a pillow in a pillow fight when there's nobody my age. Even though I feel so happy and 'myself' when I'm with them, age can't be changed. If only time could be rewined, I could have went back 3 years before and communicated with somebody my age. So I wouldn't be in this state right now. Or maybe things would be better the way it is. But really, I can't ask for more. I'm happy, just insecure. Think along the lines of "sleeping". But still, I love you guys.
When I feel sad and helpless, I write here. Almost immediately, half of my troubles will be gone. The only thing i might need to do soon is to remove my full name.
I feel like such a loser at times.
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